Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to make it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the right life choices. Sometimes (read: often times) I get consumed by these thoughts and want to sit around and do absolutely nothing. Ugh!

At this very point in my life, I just don't know anything. For the past year I've had to convince myself, with little avail, that it's okay to be unsure. I've had to explain to people what the f*ck it is I think I'm doing, why I'm doing it and where I think it will get me, all while feigning confidence.

I decided to take this risk, I know. It just sucks, but I really don’t know what I'd be doing otherwise.

They say not to plan for plan b. Last year, I did. I executed. And I failed. I didn’t even consider plan A, until B was proven to be a shitty idea to begin with. So now, I sit here, working everyday for plan A, not know anything. At all. I don't have any clue.

But I'm still working.
 
Hoping.
 
Praying.


Ramble Fin.

For The Record

I loved being a student at San Diego State. I loved my whole college experience.

People often ask me, "Don't you wish you could go back?" or "Don't you wish we could do it all over again?" or "Why didn't you stay?" or "Would you live in San Diego again?"

My answers? No, no, no and no.

Let me explain.

I went to San Diego with one singular purpose-- get my degree and move on. Yes, I could have stayed. But by the end of my first year, I was pretty sure that that would not be the case. The city was beautiful. Nice weather, beautiful beaches, decent people, but it wasn't for me to live in beyond my college years. I'm generally a forward thinker*, so for me to linger in the past with hypotheticals such as the above is just not an option; hence, my sharp and final, "No's" to those kind of questions.

There is so much I miss about San Diego/SDSU though..(in no particular order)

• The people I met. I met so many amazing people here. I know for sure that some of them will be in my life forever.

I should..

blog more often.





Hola to the 3 people that read this. LOL.

By Myself

Lately, I've been trying to make more conscious efforts to do things by myself. I've found that it is so easy to rely on being around the comfort of others. Now, I'm taking the time to learn how to rely on the comfort of myself.

Interview

And few months ago I had a job interview and after a conversation I had today with someone who I will now call a mentor, I can't say for sure that I got the position.

At my internship when I'm sitting and waiting for my boss to come in or when I'm just sitting around after the day is over, I often come across someone new. Well, at least people I have yet to come across. These meetings are pretty much always random. People usually just want to inquire about what this young lady (me) is doing at this place of business. A convo usually strikes from there.

Today I met Mr. H. Initially it was an awkward meeting. I was sitting in the corner doing my Spanish homework as I sat around a to wait for my boss (who is still not here as I write this..lol) to come in. He walks in to speak to Ms. J and I remain quiet in the corner. He is an older gentleman and probably expected me to speak first--something I would normally do, but I didn't feel like detaching myself from the work I was doing. (BTW, just found out that my boss is coming in this afternoon. I guess I'll miss her today.) As he walks out of the office, he stops just outside of the door frame, turns around and says, "Hello young lady." I poke my head around my cubicle and say, "Hello," in return. Aww sh*t!! I probably should have said something first (this is a black owned establishment.. if that means anything to anyone).

My Sister's Visit to San Diego

My sister came to visit me in San Diego last September. We took a LOT of pictures on her SLR. Here are a few.

Paris 2009

I finally decided to upload pictures from my Euro trip (2 years later). I'm going to post by city.

This is Paris:

Notre Dame

?? San Diegans

I wrote this back in October. Please excuse the blatant and extreme generalizations made in this entry. I only left them in because they were part of a real conversation.

Do not take everything you read as fact. There are exceptions to every rule.. or theory in my case.

Thank you.


My friend Yinka and I decided to go out for a walk/drinks in downtown the other night. Towards the end of the night, we ended up at TGIFriday's (which happens to be situated between two nightclubs-- I'm sure you can image the type of traffic this brings in) for happy hour. We sat, ordered appetizers and talked about a lot of random ish as we usually do when we're together.

Our conversation drifted, but it eventually got to the topic of black males on the east coast and black males the west coast, particularly those in San Diego. We both agreed that the few young black men we've met from the east coast have carried themselves with an air that differed completely from that of their west coast counterparts, though we couldn't put our finger on what it was exactly. I continued to further compare black males in San Diego. I expressed how I believed that black males in San Diego were even still completely different from those of Los Angeles or the Bay Area. She agreed, and again, we couldn't pinpoint exactly why.

The Hater Epidemic

Yesterday, I signed onto facebook and the first status I see is this:

If you're grown I'm [going to] need you to take the term "hater" out of your serious vocab. Joking with friends is cool, but if you're serious and every other status has "hater" in it you need to grow up and focus on more important things, like what YOU are doing with your adult life.

If you aren't grown, disregard this message ...and continue with your day. Lol

 I couldn't agree any more. It's like she took the thoughts right out of my head. I really thought I was the only who felt that way.

For a while now I've  been wondering why the use of the term "hater" has been so prevalent. Seriously, why are people so concerned about their "haters?" And why are they a topic of discussion if they're hating on you? The whole topic just seems so elementary to me.

One Way Ticket

Alright, I started the first half of this entry the day after I had this convo, but didn't finish it until 2 weeks or so later, so please excuse the choppiness.


My friend, MIH, texts me and asks, “Hey Pearl, can you take me to the airport after you get off work?”

“Sure,” I reply.

After I get off work, I drive over to where he is, pick him up, then make a pit stop to my place, where more of his stuff is stored. I’m tired after my 8 hour shift at work. It’s a little past midnight. I sit and watch as he repacks/reorganizes and we talk.

“MIH, how much was your ticket,” I ask.

“Uhh, $150*. I actually just bought it while I was at ____’s house just now,” he answers.

“WTF? $150? Only? How? No fair,” I say in jealousy.

“Umm, yeah, I bought a one-way ticket.”

I’m wide awake now. “What? A one-way ticket? Why? How are you getting home? When are you coming home?” I’m bewildered. I’ve never known anyone to seriously buy a one-way ticket-- a cross country, 3000 mile, west to east coast one-way ticket.

My First.. Blog

I’ve been meaning to start my blog for months. So, today, amidst a lazy summer day and the sudden urge not to go to my summer class, I began to write.

This is a mere intro for what I hope is to come.

Enjoy :)


This is my last year of college before life starts-- I mean really starts. Not to say that I haven’t been living. I’ve had a good run here in San Diego— but I say life is starting to mean there will be no more protection from the institution that is the university, no more buffer to put a wedge between college and the real world, no more splashing in the kiddie pool—it’ll be a full on dive into the deep end. *gulp*

...

under construction.