Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to make it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the right life choices. Sometimes (read: often times) I get consumed by these thoughts and want to sit around and do absolutely nothing. Ugh!

At this very point in my life, I just don't know anything. For the past year I've had to convince myself, with little avail, that it's okay to be unsure. I've had to explain to people what the f*ck it is I think I'm doing, why I'm doing it and where I think it will get me, all while feigning confidence.

I decided to take this risk, I know. It just sucks, but I really don’t know what I'd be doing otherwise.

They say not to plan for plan b. Last year, I did. I executed. And I failed. I didn’t even consider plan A, until B was proven to be a shitty idea to begin with. So now, I sit here, working everyday for plan A, not know anything. At all. I don't have any clue.

But I'm still working.
 
Hoping.
 
Praying.


Ramble Fin.

By Myself

Lately, I've been trying to make more conscious efforts to do things by myself. I've found that it is so easy to rely on being around the comfort of others. Now, I'm taking the time to learn how to rely on the comfort of myself.

Interview

And few months ago I had a job interview and after a conversation I had today with someone who I will now call a mentor, I can't say for sure that I got the position.

At my internship when I'm sitting and waiting for my boss to come in or when I'm just sitting around after the day is over, I often come across someone new. Well, at least people I have yet to come across. These meetings are pretty much always random. People usually just want to inquire about what this young lady (me) is doing at this place of business. A convo usually strikes from there.

Today I met Mr. H. Initially it was an awkward meeting. I was sitting in the corner doing my Spanish homework as I sat around a to wait for my boss (who is still not here as I write this..lol) to come in. He walks in to speak to Ms. J and I remain quiet in the corner. He is an older gentleman and probably expected me to speak first--something I would normally do, but I didn't feel like detaching myself from the work I was doing. (BTW, just found out that my boss is coming in this afternoon. I guess I'll miss her today.) As he walks out of the office, he stops just outside of the door frame, turns around and says, "Hello young lady." I poke my head around my cubicle and say, "Hello," in return. Aww sh*t!! I probably should have said something first (this is a black owned establishment.. if that means anything to anyone).